thoughts before i sleep.

i've been kinda weird lately, my emotion runs high, my mood become ups and downs, the atmosphere is bad, dark and all blur out, i'm miserable lately. in fact, i don't know exactly who i am.

have you ever feels like there's two you in your body? or in your life?

for me, yeah, i am. and i know that. it's like, one side of me is the 'angel' me and the other side of me is the 'devil' me. sometimes, depends on my current mood and situation, i can get the 'angel' side of me go out but sometimes when i'm feeling all hazel out it's the 'devil' me that controls me. i think i need something new, something inspiring for me. well it's for me and for others too i think. i don't want to have 2 sides of me in one body. sometimes when i'm in the middle of 'angel' and 'devil' my head is all dizzy. i want to scream that thing out loud and yet, i can't that i cries.

i'm the type of person that easily cries, but i tend to hold up my tears so it wont come out. and turned out to be i can't control my breath. my heart is totally hurt and i can't breath sometimes. from what i've learn, i have to get that thing going on out. or there'll be something really hurt happens to your body. for me, i get sick. my body temperature will rise up and i'll be down. deep down. and nobody can't leave me back up again.

life is hard, but we must face it no matter what. because this is what God plans us to be, this is what He wants us to living. i thank God for everything that He gave me everyday, i seek for help to Him, i beg for mercy for Him. that's why even though i complained about my life, He'll be there for me. thank God for Your existence. :)

i tried to change my life, i am one person with a high level of egoism. yeah i do. and i'd like to change that. i know i can, i need supports, but i have to have a will on my mind. if not, there'll be no result for that. i hope i can. hey, like they said, "IF THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY." and of course, i will be! i know i can!!!

well, there it is, my life recently. i guess i have to buy this book called, "THE RULES OF LIFE." by richard templar if i'm not wrong. yeah, i need that. and i'll tell all about that book later. i'll do some review in here.

"ams"