incurable disease.

what a day for today. it seems like, nine hours of my life today gone too fast. finally, i got my haircut today. it's still long, only shorter. it's nice though if you can see it. and this hair suits me well enough for the rest of the year. ha! can you imagine, it's only 10 days left until the end of 2009. and then there'll be 2010, my age will be 21 at that time. wow, we're getting older and i'm still the same old me trying to living my life completely surrender to my God. :)

so, about life, about my title, "INCURABLE DISEASE". believe me or not, i have that. incurable disease. surprise? yeah, what about me? it was discovered may 2009, my doctor told me that my disease is incurable. what i felt back there was, shocked at first. my tears want to fell down, sadness surrounds me. i feel like i'm dying. i'm too young to die. but, my doctor told me that this disease of mine, isn't deadly like the others. well, that's a relieve. but, then again, i can't go back to normal again. i'll depends on this medication forever, for the entire life of mine. because nobody has found the cure for this disease. i can't tell you what this disease called, because i'm too embarrassed to say it.

i have to go back to the doctor every single month, and my doctor will gave me a brand new drug, every month to make this disease gone. but, it will reappear if i'm too stressed out, if i'm too tired and lack of sleep.

it's sad really, i have to depends on this stupid drugs. all i can do is pray, that someday, someone will find the cure for this disease of mine and i'll be back to normal, healthy, and live up my life more brighter. :)

please pray for me guys! and also, you have to thank God, if you have a curable disease. because you're lucky. :)

"ams"

Stephen Gately.

i really didn't have any moods on writing something, so i'm going to have this post as a tribute to the late Stephen Gately (17 March 1976 - 10 October 2009, aged 33) former member of Boyzone, one of the greatest Irish band ever.

Born on 17th of March 1976, Stephen Patrick David Gately, he was the fourth out of five child and he was born in Dublin, Ireland. he grew up poor until he appeared in several musical for his school and also many theatre performance. in 1993 he joined the Irish boy band named Boyzone. and the song titled 'Love Me For a Reason' hits UK's chart number two on 1995. and from that on, Boyzone keep on rising and rising until the whole world know about them. and then on the year 2000, Boyzone performed together for the last time and it reached out 35.000 tickets sold and that was the biggest ever on that year.

on 2000, Stephen Gately made a solo debut. his first single titled 'New Beginning' was a hit! and his second single titled 'I Believe' also featured on the movie 'Billy Eliot' on 2000. he became one of the first pop stars that come out as gay. and he wed Andrew Cowles, on 2003 in Las Vegas.

for the sad news, Stephen was found dead on his apartment on Saturday, 10th of October 2009, on the Spanish Island of Majorca, the cause of the death is called pulmonary edema, to put it simple it's like you have fluids in your lungs. he was found dead on the sofa and was discovered by his husband Andrew Cowles.

my thoughts and prayer are for you Stephen. may he rest in peace. :)

firstly i know this news when i was with my brother and daddy to drop of my mother at her friend's house. when i checked my phone and updated my twitter status, i read the news on my phone and found out that he was passed away. i was shocked. from what i know, he seems fine to me. but hear this sad news makes me wanna hear all of Stephen's and Boyzone's songs back again. it's sad really, tragic death of one of the greatest members of Boyzone. i must say i LOVE his voice. he had an amazing voice.

one more person with an amazing voice had left us peeps! :(

"ams"

sickness - one thing that i really hate.

it's been quite a while since i updated my last blog. sorry, but i have to. i've been sick lately, for the past three days i guess, it's kinda sad really, first, i'm not able to drink cold water, only normal mineral water. second, i'm not allowed to eat something fried. ugh! yeah, so, sick is very VERY sucks! admit it.

so, this damn influenza come into me on saturday night, after i went to Bogor for some photography shooting, i blogged about that didn't i? :| well, at that night, i sneeze, a lot! and my throat is starting to feel weird because of the big sneeze i guess. at first i thought that sneeze is only an allergic to my new bed sheet. because it's never been used for a long time, but then, i woke up the morning after and finds out that i am sick, for sure. ugh. my nose is starting to feel weird, my throat can't stop coughing and i have to take a medicine, fast!

so, i took a medicine and fell asleep after that. when i woke up from my sleep, i feel much better. and i decided not to take another medicine. because i don't wanna addicted too much for that kind of medicine. it can be overdose too. so, yeah, medicine is scary enough for me. :p

monday, the worst day ever! my head is dizzy, my flu is getting worst and i just can't stop coughing. also, i lost my appetite. i feel like i wanna close my eyes and didn't open it until whenever i wanna open it. but i can't, i'm in the middle of my class, and i also have to get my medicine in the hospital and i have a radio to air on! :( yeah, that monday is suck!

finally on tuesday, i take a break from whatever my condition are. i cut class, i sleep long enough, i enjoy playing ps2 and watching all of the new dvds i bought and enjoying my mom's ham sandwich in the morning. life's perfect when you do that. and to top that off, my bf come this morning, gave me a kiss, and after class he came again and bring me food and then he hugs me till i'm sleeping. :)

i'm much better now, only, i need more rest again tonight. so, for those who pray for me, thank you a lot! it means a lot to me. :)

"ams"

things are not very good lately.

finally, the rain has stopped! it's warm and breezy right now. i like the weather this way. it's better than the hot summer weather. this kind of weather is good for relaxing, or even sleeping. without air conditioner, yeah, that'll be nice. on my current playlist is from the fray, it's a great song to relaxing my head up from this current situation of mine.

can everybody just be happy? just like snapping your finger out like that? what's wrong with my life lately. it's been pretty hard lately i know. things aren't going out very well for me. life is pretty much sucks.

from college, yeah, my assignment is growing faster! and that's mean LOTS OF ASSIGNMENT!!! and then this theatre coming out soon in december. oh God. i can imagine what is like being on that month! it'll be pretty messed up i'm sure.

sounds pathetic am i? yeah, i am. for now. i just can't think straight! optimist? for now, IT'S WAY OUT! it's like paramore's song called "For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic". it's me right now. it's like i'm falling WAY DOWN LOW! and i can't find something to cheer me up, to lift me back up, and that's why i will go to the church, to get something i hope.

not to mention the assignment for tomorrow, oh God! i need an island getaway!!!

"ams"

amnesia.

i heard a very bad news yesterday. it was all about my friend, my best friend actually. she's amnesia. :(

the chronology was barely unknown. i got the news from my friend and i thought at first that he's just joking. because all i know is he's the class clown back in high school. so i called her on her cellphone. confused, panicked, shocked, unbelievable. her name is renata, but i called her "na-chan or nana".

nana : hallo.

me : hallo, na...

nana : who is this?

me : (shocked)

nana : hallo, who is this?

me : err...this is ode.

nana : ode? who is ode?

me : (hang up the phone)

i was extremely SHOCKED!!! i fell down. and i can't think of anything. i cried. it's sad.

let's put it this way, what do you feel if someone forgets everything from you. knowing that he/she spends almost of their time with you. i feel terrible, sad, still can't believe it. i miss her. i miss her laugh, her stories, everything! and it seems i lost her already.

she is good in almost everything. guitar, drum, bass and also percussion. she loves to do water sports like wake boarding. and now she knows nothing.

her mom called me today, and she said that nana wants to talk with me. i almost cried in tears when i heard her speaking. but i'm happy at the same time, because she wants to talk to me. she asked me wether i have a plan for today or not, she asked me how am i feeling today. it's sad you know, talk to her like that. and awkward too. knowing that i never talk to her like that. seems like i talk to a total stranger. but hey, i know that she's my nana. and i'm happy that she called me today. :)

tomorrow i'll visits her at her house. hoping that she'll get her memories back soon. and i hope this amnesia will not last forever. i hope it's only temporarily. all i can do is pray to God. may God cures her. and may God gives what best for her. and i'm pretty sure that this is all God's plan. and His plan is always a good thing. so, i believe in God and i believe my na-chan will be back to her normal self. and i know that's true.

please pray for her. whoever reads this. i really appreciate it. :)

i love you na-chan!!!

always will.

"ams"

nana, me and mady.